TNGPTB 2 The Straight Way
by Cotton Candy Zarbon
Summary: Dabura has now officially become a fairy god'mother' and is sent to help Gohan get out of H.F.I.L. (Goes along with Strange Things Happening)


WARNINGS: Well, unfortunately this is not a yaoi....I guess....um...OOC....everybody is out of character in this entertaining story.... It is wise to read 'Strange Things Happening' before proceeding to read this....otherwise you might wonder what in hell is going on . . .  
  
STORY #2 IN THE SERIES THERE'S NO GAYER PLACE TO BE...  
  
THE STRAIGHT WAY a.k.a. A healthy serving of homos : ) (Part of a balanced daily diet)  
  
By Jessica Massey a.k.a. Cotton Candy Zarbon... o . 0 March 17, 2004  
  
Ever since Buu had eaten Dabura, the ex-king of demons had been busy. A good king of demons always tries to help out those in need. After Chi Chi and the others had left him, Dabura had been doing good deeds. He received his diploma from the G.W.A. (Good Witch Academy...), and now it was official.... Dabura had become a fairy godmother (or demon, but it doesn't really matter, I guess).  
  
Being the good demon that he was, Dabura tried to please everyone. He had yet to be assigned to any specific person, so it had been decided that he should just do odd jobs, for now. Truth is, the F.G.P.B. or the Fairy Godparent Board were hesitant to assign him to anyone...who wants a demon to be their fairy godmother?  
  
"If only I had some ice cream," a little boy silently wished. Dabura had given him an ice cream trunk. (Later the boy had been arrested for Grand Theft Auto but Debra never found out.) Satisfied with his swift reply, he went in search of his next victim...I mean project...  
  
When several weeks had passed of Dabura's 'helping', for the sake of all involved the F.G.P.B. decided to assign him to a case....a very special case....  
  
Dabura promptly arrived exactly at his appointment time (he's such a good fairy godmother).  
  
"Dabura, ex-king of the demons, we have chosen to assign you to a special needs case ... there's only one problem ... the 'special needs case' is ... well ... in hell," said the head of the F.G.P.B. ... which strangely enough was King Kai.... o_0  
  
"Thank you ever so much, sir," Dabura replied, his eyes misting over at the thought of his own child. "May I perhaps know the name of the child?"  
  
"Truth is Dabura, the special case is not a child....I think you two have met before....his name is Gohan..." King Kai hesitantly replied.  
  
"What? What would the ever-so-sweet Gohan be doing down in hell?" a shocked Dabura said.  
  
"Hmmm....it's a strange thing....we're not exactly sure...one day, for no reason at all, Gohan died...."  
  
"How strange that is....why didn't he go to heaven?"  
  
"We don't know how or why it happened.....it just did."  
  
"Shouldn't you bring him to heaven then?"  
  
"Thing is....we can't...it's beyond our power. Certain qualifications have to be met before we can even consider it....that's where you come in. You see there is an unbalance in hell....strange one though it is...." After this Dabura smiled....the qualifications couldn't be that hard....oh how wrong he was....  
  
On the day of his departure, Dabura packed his few meager belongings. In his fairy godmother purse...umm....bag....he placed his wand and a few other little things for his trip. He also made sure that his cardboard wings (he couldn't afford real ones) were in tip-top shape. After ironing his dress (the job required it), he was finally ready.  
  
Bumming a ride from his good friend Kibito Kai, Dabura arrived at the gates of hell....  
  
~  
  
Upon arriving, Dabura commented, "This place could sure do with some flowers." Removing his wand from his 'bag', a quick flip caused a beautiful meadow to spring to life around him.  
  
"What in hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
Dabura turned around to see Cell. "Hi, I don't think I've ever met you before....but you sure do look familiar."  
  
Cell moved closer to Dabura...in his plaid kilt...wtf?.... and said, "If you don't mind, please ask somebody before you grow a meadow in their home." His "home" was a bunch of rocks....hmm... "My name is Cell, by the way, and just exactly who are you?" Dabura curtly replied, "My name is Dabura.... I'm a fairy godmother...and I'm looking for Gohan..."  
  
"You will fit in rather nicely down here Dabura...the fashion shows are most interesting...and I believe Gohan is modeling some of Frieza's new fashions," as he says this there is a hint of jealousy in his voice. "Too bad Frieza doesn't have any new kilts," he finished sadly. "You can find them over there beyond that big hill," Cell informed Dabura, pointing to his right at a big hill. "It was nice meeting you....I think...." Dabura said moving in the direction of the hill. He thought to himself, "This sure is a weird place, indeed." (Like a fairy god...demon... is a regular occurrence)...  
  
On the side of the hill, in a hole...well cave...in the ground there lived a Saiyan. His name was Raditz. Raditz shared his 'hole' with his *ahem*friend*ahem* Nappa. The two had a lovely life together...as lovely as could be expected in hell...  
  
Walking up the hill, Dabura spied Raditz sitting outside of his 'hole' smoking weed...I mean a pipe... Looking up Raditz spied his unexpected party (even if it was only one person) and politely invited him inside to share a glass of ...um...tea...  
  
"Sure, I'm absolutely famished." Politely declining a smoke, Dabura followed his host inside the cozy little 'hole'.  
  
As they sat down to ...tea... Dabura introduced himself and told Raditz of his fairy godmother mission...  
  
"Gohan?! Why that lovely little 'boy' is my nephew! I've known him ever since he was a tiny kid..." Raditz excitedly replied (omitting the part about kidnapping his nephew...Raditz didn't see it as kidnapping...just borrowing).  
  
"That's wonderful! Maybe you could help me with some-," before he could finish , Nappa jumped out in an all too familiar yellow polka-dot bikini and yelled, "I spy, a big fat g- " Raditz quickly interrupted his 'friend'...."Um....dear....we have a guest," motioning towards Dabura. "Sorry didn't see you there. Nappa's the name," he said offering his hand for Dabura. Politely Dabura shook his hand. "Nice to meet you...Dabura is my name and I'm a fairy godmother." Courteously Dabura told his mission to the newly met Nappa (the king of demons must always be polite). "Maybe you would like to join me on my quest to find Gohan and liberate him from this terri-(he almost said terrible, but he quickly recovered)-ffic place." Both Raditz and Nappa quickly accept Dabura's generous offer....delaying their game of 'I Spy'...for now...  
  
Soon after, Nappa changed into a less-revealing blue polka-dotted one-piece that said "Hug a Homo Today!" on the front. It was an expensive swimsuit from the Lovely Frieza's Proud to Be Me Collection. Raditz was wearing an identical one, except that it said 'Good to be Gay'. The company of three set out on their adventure, after they had put the necessary items in their two matching hot pink 'bags'....  
  
Over the hills and far away...Teletubbies come to play...wait wrong story...  
  
Over the hill they went in search of Gohan...  
  
Upon reaching the bottom on the other side of the hill, far away they could spy a purple glow... "Look guys it's not all that far away," Dabura pointed out unneedlessly...Raditz and Nappa knew exactly how many steps from their 'hole' to the Amethyst City....well stage anyway....  
  
As they were admiring the far away 'city', five shadows approached them unnoticed.  
  
Finally noticing the strangers, the company of three went to meet the five.  
  
"Why hello, Raditz," said a gruff, but friendly, voice.  
  
"Oh dear me!" Raditz said shocked. "It's the Ginyu Force, Nappa. Mr. Ginyu, sir, I'm such a big fan! Would you mind if I had an autograph? Nappa and I both loved your performance at the Lovely Frieza Fashion Show #923 the other day."  
  
"Why thanks, big silly," a rather 'funny' Recoome replied, "but we have officially changed our name to the Fab Five!" As he said this they showed off their new fabulous pose.  
  
"How fitting because you all look very fabulous in your pink bikinis and matching pink purses!" (Bikinis being all the rage in hell....everyone was wearing them....)  
  
"We're so thrilled that you like our new name and our new bikinis! They are exclusively from the Lovely Frieza Beach Party Collection. He hasn't even put any out for sale yet....not until we wear them in his next fashion show." This was said by an odd-looking Jeice...red and pink don't go well together....but he still looked fabulous....  
  
"And who is your new 'friend'?" Burter said to an ecstatic Raditz.  
  
"Forgive my rudeness, this, my friends, is our new friend Dabura. He's a fairy godmother," Raditz said feeling quite embarrassed. "Now let us introduce ourselves boys!" Ginyu said.  
  
Recoome yelled, "Radical Recoome!" and struck a pose... Burter yelled, "Beautiful Burter!" and struck a pose... Jeice yelled, "Joyful Jeice!" and struck a pose... Guldo yelled, "Grand Guldo!" and struck a pose... Captain Ginyu yelled, "Gorgeous Ginyu!" and striking a pose he completed the pose....it was, in fact, a rather disturbing pose.... All then silmutaneous yelled, "Together we make....THE FAB FIVE!"  
  
Raditz and Nappa clapped and whistled as they completed the pose. Dabura was just dumbfounded. "We all are on our way to the Amethyst 'City' to find Gohan," Dabura said. "Perhaps you would like to come with us on our quest?"  
  
"Sure! We were on our way there just now!"  
  
"Lovely, let's go!" and the eight set off on their quest....  
  
Together....holding hands....and....skipping....they followed the path towards the 'city'.  
  
While traveling(skipping) down the road, they came across the most ridiculed 'person' in all of hell. It was poor Buu, even though he was fashionably pink. He was made fun of because of his chose lifestyle...well actually because he didn't choose to act like everyone else. He was a more conservative 'evil' villain when it came to relationships and clothes. He'd never be caught dead in a bikini....especially a polka-dotted one. Yes, he still bought Lovely Frieza clothes, (it was the only clothes collection available in hell) but his current wardrobe consisted of only the Kai Outfits Collection... Sadly he was the only one that bought them....  
  
Buu was sitting on a rock looking all dejected and depressed....he was very lonely in hell....choosing not to hang out with the other 'guys' to discuss fashion, make-up and boyfriends.... In other words, poor Buu was a non- conformist....  
  
All except for Dabura stopped to stare at him. No nice fairy godmother would stare at a poor helpless soul. Not wanting to leave the poor creature all alone and sad, Dabura spoke to him. "Hi, remember me? I'm Dabura, who you ate, and I'm a fairy godmother. Wouldn't you just love to come with us to the Amethyst 'City'? I'm going to find Gohan." The others were horrified at the thought of Buu going along with them....he just wasn't normal....  
  
"That sure is a lovely outfit you have on," Dabura told Buu, while the others silently snickered behind his back, "is that from the Lovely Frieza Collection too? If I didn't have to wear dresses, I would buy one while I was here." Buu, thinking that Dabura was making fun of him, sunk even deeper into his depression. "Why should I go with you guys? I don't want to be seen with a bunch of fags." The eight gasped at this comment and it deeply offended them....hey, they may be gay but they weren't fags.... Dabura thought again about what King Kai had said was an unbalance in hell....  
  
He could cheer the guy up and meet the qualifications for Gohan's return. "What's your problem, Buu? Aren't you happy here in hell? There's no gayer....I mean greater... place to be!" With tears in his eyes, Buu replied, "How can I be happy? There's no one here that loves me....my true love was lost long ago....and I can never love anyone again. If only he was here...."  
  
Dabura produced his wand. "If you really want him down here with you, just think about him really hard and say 'There's no one like'...what did you say his name was?" "His name is Bee..." "Oh, ok. Then say 'There's no one like Bee' three times and click your heels together."  
  
Buu did as he was told and sure enough Bee appeared out of nowhere....looking rather shocked and surprised.... Everyone there...even Dabura...laughed when Buu's true love turned out to be a pathetic puppy....like they should talk.... Buu greatly thanked Dabura because this was the happiest day of his afterlife and he was sure there would be many more to come....  
  
As the eight waved good-bye to Buu, Raditz yelled as a parting: "Don't forget to wear a flea collar! Name one of the puppies after me..." and they all walked...skipped... away laughing towards the Amethyst 'City'....  
  
After many long journeys the eight had finally reached their destination....the Amethyst 'City'...which was really nothing more than the Lovely Frieza Fashion Show stage... As soon as they reached the stage they were stopped by a gorgeous looking cyan-colored man with green hair...wearing a dark blue thong bikini....  
  
When they told him who they were and who they were looking for, the man said, "Well, Lovely Master Frieza has told me that no one should interrupt him... He is very busy working on his new swimsuit line...the name is confidential...and that he can't be disturbed unless we don't want him to finish it and we all know that we don't want that." All there were excited about the idea of a new Lovely Frieza swimsuit line....even though one was released everyday....and decided that it would be worth the wait not to disturb the collection creator....  
  
As they sat waiting, Dabura was introduced to the blue man who he now knew was named Zarbon. Even Dabura was attracted to him....but no worries, because Zarbon already had his eyes set somewhere else....  
  
"So, Ginyu, have you heard about the wedding plans?" Zarbon commented casually to the Fab Five's leader.  
  
"No, I hadn't....who's getting married? Nappa and Raditz?" Ginyu replied casting a glance over at the two who had now decided to finish their previously mentioned game....  
  
"Well, probably, but I was talking about my marriage to Lovely Master Frieza! We are to be married very soon....in a hour actually...he's created our wedding clothes especially for the occasion....which will be the first in a collection he has named Lovely Frieza's Wonderful Surprise Collection.....even I haven't seen them yet.... But the best part of all is the Lovely Frieza Purses Collection that he's releasing just for our wedding. They are purple polka-dotted and say "I Do" in bold writing on the front. They are absolutely to die for..."  
  
"Congratulations then, Zarbon!" Ginyu said smiling, "I know you two will be very happy together..." and thought to himself 'as if they weren't already', but he said nothing....  
  
Dabura had not been listening to the conversation and just sat thinking quietly to himself. There he was minding his own business....when suddenly He appeared....the most beautifully gorgeous handsome creature Dabura had ever set eyes upon.... 'What a beautiful color his skin is...and those lips are so seductive...yes, I would die for just one kiss....'  
  
Slowly Dabura made his way up to the 'exquisite' creature...and it seemed that the beautiful thing had an eye for Dabura too... As they slowly walked towards each other...not even knowing who the other was....they met in a passionate kiss.... Dabura thought he had died....even though he was already... The two parted only briefly enough to allow for breathing....before they went back again.... Next thing he knew....Dabura was being lead off to a more 'private' spot where the two could get to know one another better....  
  
A very confused and shocked Zarbon watch the two disappear out of sight....his wedding plans had now been ruined....  
  
Everyone's attention...except for Dabura's....now turned toward the stage when out walked Lovely Frieza and his new creation GoGohan. The two looked ravishing in matching glittery rainbow (polka-dotted, of course) bikinis. GoGohan's hair had been dyed purple to better go with the outfit... They were also sporting matching glittery rainbow purses.... Mr. Fluffy-wuffy Head was perched on Lovely Frieza's shoulder with an identical bikini on.... Zarbon was instantly up on the stage and grabbed a shocked and rather annoyed Lovely Frieza...  
  
"Lovely Master Frieza! Our wedding plans have been utterly ruined! How could he?... That idiot!" Zarbon shouted, outraged. At this point, the blue man broke down crying...  
  
"Why Mr. Zarbon, what ever could be the matter? Nothing has changed about our wedding..." Lovely Frieza replied....  
  
"It's our stupid best man! He's off and gone with the fairy godmother... Now we will have to have a new best man for our wedding in an hour!" the poor man said....  
  
"Fairy godmother? What in hell are you talking about, Mr. Zarbon? I know of no such creature..." Frieza replied...looking Lovely...of course...  
  
"Some stupid bastard named Dabura that came here to fix an unbalance in hell so GoGohan can return with him to heaven...." Zarbon informed his Lovely Master.  
  
A horrified GoGohan then said, "But Lovely Master Frieza, I don't want to go back! I'll miss all of my new 'friends' that are down here!"  
  
"GoGohan, there is nothing to worry about. You don't have to go back with this 'fairy godmother'... It seems that he is going to be 'talking' to his new 'friend' for quite some time....yes, I hope he is very happy with Dodoria.......ho...ho...ho...."  
  
Raditz and Nappa were still playing 'I Spy' and the Fab Five were planning out new poses..... Lovely Frieza...with Zarbon on one arm and GoGohan on the other....step behind the curtains of the stage and were never missed....  
  
Turns out, the balance had unconsciously been fixed by Dabura himself....  
  
Dabura's search for Gohan.....GoGohan.....had been in vain.....or had it? o _ 0  
  
~  
  
All the credit I give to myself....hahahaha...Briana had nothing to do with this one.... I guess I must give credit to a few things: let's see here....Akira Toriyama for the characters (of course), J.R.R. Tolkien, The Wizard of Oz, Teletubbies, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and last but not the least by far....my incredibly insane demented brain : )  
  
~  
  
By the way, I just wanted to let you know that I am not a homophobe or anything....otherwise, what would I be doing reading dragonball z yaoi fanfics for hours at night.... : ) 


End file.
